Trying to Put God First

I am grateful for the Savior’s complete submission to the Will of the Father. How will I ever, ever be able to completely yield as lovingly as He did in the Garden and on the Cross? I have a hard enough time yielding from moment to moment let alone yielding under the pressures of everyday living. I know that God’s influence pumps through the fine spiritual matter that makes up my spirit body; that indeed I am a spiritual Daughter of God and thereby, I have His essence of Holiness and divinity flowing within me through my “spiritual veins.” How can I break through or let go of my human tendencies to allow this spiritual “blood” supply be the significant source of every decision I make? I feel so disturbed that this seems so unattainable and then, within my breast, I know that to keep the “human element” at bay, it takes constant work and surveillance of the horizon of my daily life. I beg forgiveness for my inability to transfer consistency from prayer to life.  Would that my life would or could reflect this love – my desire for greater devotion is far more fervent within my heart at moments like this when I reflect on Father, and His loving “Father-ness,” than when I get up from my desk and continue into my day.  My turned focus on the cares of this world suddenly seizes my attention like a pair of desperate, grasping hands begging for my attention, leaving behind to fend for themselves, my feelings of reverence and awe I experienced moments ago.  Worry and fretting take a front seat in my day as I steer my way around and though the tasks and responsibilities that life demands I address with differing degrees of urgency.

But, my days do seem to be put into better perspective when I take the time to write my prayers and attend to my spiritual education in scripture study and in the words of the Prophets. Somehow this devotional time has a distilling effect on my day and ultimately, my life.  I am not the most attentive daughter, my weaknesses and faults flare brilliantly before me in a myriad of ways – but as Father makes me more aware of them, I am determined to “hunker” down to try a little harder and work a little longer to cast these weaknesses aside.